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The Science of Broken Promises
A Love Story Begins With Trust
My grandmother once told me that love lives in the smallest moments. At the time, I thought she meant candlelit dinners and stolen kisses. Now, after years of studying relationship psychology and watching countless couples in my therapy practice, I understand she meant something far more profound: love lives in kept promises.
The Chemistry of Disappointment
Here’s what happens in your brain when someone breaks a promise:
Your amygdala, that ancient guardian of emotional memory, lights up like a Christmas tree. Cortisol floods your system. Trust, that delicate chroeography of oxytocin and dopamine, takes a hit. One broken promise activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. Let that sink in: your brain processes a canceled dinner plan similarly to how it processes a paper cut.
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that minor betrayals actually hurt more than major ones over time. Why? Because we guard ourselves against the big hits, but leave ourselves open to the small ones. We’re prepared for the hurricane but forget about the constant drizzle that slowly erodes the foundation.
