I Wish Elon Musk Was A Gay Woman

15 Minute Daydream : Yes, she can.

It’s 10:30pm, I’m supposed to work on a brief for a client, but I’m tired and the news makes by mind hurt. It’s like watching my home country be ravaged by wolves; stupid, unqualified, embarrassing wolves who-you-don’t- want-to-see-their-faces-anymore-wolves and you feel-bad-for-their-spouse-wolves and everyone-who-works-for-them-wolves. What-the-fuck-are-they-on-wolves.

But then I have this absurdist thought: What if Elon Musk was a gay woman? Would that solve all my news problems?

My little buddy, GPT agrees. “Oh what a fascinating intersection, how would his legacy change?”

GPT quickly rattles off a storyline that sounds like Meta’s attempt at being a robo black mom. I’ve embellished it for my reading pleasure.

My Name is Elona Dusk, and Yes, I’m Going to Mars.

It’s not easy being me. A gay, liberal woman running billion-dollar companies is essentially the trifecta of making everyone mad. One of the highest ranking book club readers ever, I was even reading during the Inaguration! The tech bros think I’m too soft — “Too many feelings for the mission!” — and the progressives think I should give away all my money, preferably yesterday. I still look good with my short pixie haircut and washboard abs, thank you Ozempic!